Tsuioku Merry Go Round
by Andreya Halms
Summary: Reminiscing about lost things only made the pain worse. He supposed he could compare the memories of her with a double edged sword. You felt safe if you had one around you. But if you weren't too careful with it, it could hurt you, and hurt you bad. R&R?


**Here you go. Another proof of how eccentricly irresponsible I am. Before I begin, I'd like to specify the genres : Angst, Drama, Romance and... Humour? Maybe. All of you can laugh at this mess after you finish reading it.**

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><p><strong>Tsuioku Merry Go Round<strong>

(lit. 'Reminiscing On A Merry Go Round/ somethingofthatsort)

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><p>"I don't want to see your face ever again." you said bitterly, as a tear ran down your cheek.<br>Every time you were almost swallowed by waves of contradiction; I figured you were holding in your tears.

Everyone overestimated you saying, "You're such a strong person."  
>You never realized it, but at some point, you began losing your true-self.<p>

The sun that was supposed to be by your side, shattered and lost its light.  
>Erasing both truth and lies from back then.<p>

Merry-Go-Round, spinning in a world of dreams,  
>ironically remembering you, my heart began to burn.<p>

You know I live far away from you; and even though I know better,  
>my heart keeps spinning just for you. Almost like a Merry-Go-Round.<p>

And even though that love praises the past stirring up my feelings, I still want to see you.  
>I do not wish it right now, but I will try to avoid it.<p>

I am regretting ever having said it - but I don't want to know anything.

I was always searching for some sort of deep emotion within you;  
>a mysterious secret of yours.<p>

Merry-Go-Round, spinning in a world of dreams,  
>the silhouette you left behind chases after the morning sun.<p>

One more time someday I'll see a paradise looking back with love.  
>So that is why I only want to find an opportunity to reunite us by chance.<p>

Merry-Go-Round - Spinning in a world of dreams.  
>Merry-Go-Round - Spinning in a world of dreams.<br>Merry-Go-Round - I'm still calling your name.

The sun that was supposed to be by your side, shattered and lost its light.  
>Erasing both truth and lies from back then.<p>

Merry-Go-Round, spinning in a world of dreams,  
>the silhouette you left behind chases after the morning sun.<p>

The sun that was supposed to be by your side.

Reminiscing on the Merry-Go-Round,  
>spinning in a world of dreams.<p>

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><p><em>Sitting on the rotating merry-go-round with his back against hers, and their surroundings a blur, Conan was aware of only two things – <em>

_One, the spinning sky was beautiful and two, he was sitting in such a comfortable and trusting position with the last person on earth he would expect. Leaning back and resting your entire weight on the cold Haibara Ai could be easily classified as dangerous, what with her abruptly removing her support when her mind sadistic mind felt like it._

_But then again, nobody could fulfill the role of being a support, albeit a mocking, _infuriating_ one better than the ex-__Organisation member._

'_Ne, Kudo-kun,'_

_Her voice was barely more than a whisper, as soft – and pleasing? – as the sound of rustling leaves. God had not built Haibara Ai, or rather Miyano Shiho, to be a loud mouthed woman, but instead a woman whose quiet voice exuded a sort of arrogant self-confidence and aristocratic sang-froid, as he liked to put it. Had Conan not been thinking about her role as a support, he would have missed her voice altogether._

_Or, maybe not._

'_Yeah?'_

'_...I really like you...'_

'_Oh.'_

_History had taught him lessons, and so he waited for some sort of sign to indicate that she was pulling his leg, but none followed._

_Okay. So wasn't really sure what to say – what to _feel.

_What was he supposed to feel, again? Happy? He wasn't feeling that. Neither was he disappointed. He felt nothing. Neutral._

_Ran was beyond his reach now. She had moved on, and so had he, having fully supported her decision. It was bound to happen. Once a relationship of any sort – be it love, friendship, or even enmity – reached a certain point, its peak, it would begin to fall, degrade, decline. That had been his logic behind their gradual and mutual drifting apart._

_Conan moved his head slightly and looked at her face through the corner of his eye._

_Her eyes were not on him, but the cloudless, moonless sky and her hair moved lazily in the wind, a few strands whipping him in the face. Her mouth was curved slightly in the corners, forming a small smile._

_Conan switched his gaze to the sky._

_It looked as if she wasn't in a hurry to see whether he acknowledged her confession, statement, or what the hell ever it had been._

_And for that, he was glad._

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><p>Even now, after six long years, sitting in the same old merry-go-round, Shinichi had two thoughts –<p>

One, it didn't matter to the sky whether he was in his shrunken form or the real one, it still decided to go ahead and look beautiful.

The second was a name. Shiho.

That disyllable word had a lot of feelings associated with it, both pleasant and unpleasant ones. Guilt, regret and pain formed most of it.

He supposed he could compare the memories of her with a double edged sword. You felt safe if you had one around you. But, if you weren't too careful with it, it could hurt you, and hurt you bad.

_Although, if I were hurt and dying, it could in no possible way do me any more harm if I decided to get a bit reckless with that shiny, sharpened, double-edged sword of mine._

Shinichi sighed and kicked the ground with his feet, making the merry-go-round, and then the entire world, spin slowly.

He really needed to get his mind of things. Lately, he was becoming more and more that sort of person who would declare a glass to be empty even if it happened to be overflowing with water. Or juice. Or tea. Or alcohol. Whichever you disliked the most.

**Merry-Go-Round, spinning in a world of dreams,**  
><strong>ironically remembering you, my heart began to burn.<strong>

He leaned back and lay down on the floor of the ride, watching the swirling stars slowly come to a standstill.

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><p>'<em>Faster!' Shiho giggled. 'Faster! Make me throw up!'<em>

_Shinichi gave one last push and launched himself on the merry-go-round, landing beside Shiho with a high pitched 'whoop!'_

'_You usually don't get this drunk.' She said, before bursting into another set of giggles._

'_Neither do you.' He countered. 'Anyway, I wanted to get drunk.'_

_Shiho swayed and crashed into his chest._

'_I _needed_ to get drunk.' She murmured softly into his shirt._

_They were in their normal bodies now, he around 20 and she around 21. It was Professor Agasa's death, or murder, anniversary. Shinichi had gotten to the BO alright, but they had gotten to the Professor first._

_Shiho began to wail loudly, much to Shinichi's surprise, who ran his fingers through her dishevelled hair, the tips of his nails brushing her scalp._

_Oh yes. They were definitely drunk that night. She would never lose control in front of him and he would never go to this level of physical intimacy with her._

'_Hey...shh. Are you crying?'_

'_I am not crying.' She wailed._

_His alcohol addled brain was confused. 'Are-are you sure? Because it looks like you are crying. Yep, it definitely does.'_

_Shiho stopped in mid wail. Using Shinichi's shoulders to steady herself, she brought her eyes to his._

'_I decide to stop liking you.' She sniffed._

'_And to what do I owe this unflattering decision?'_

'_Because you are- because you are mean, and egotistical, and rude, and a complete asshole.'_

'_Ah.'_

'_And you haven't – it's been two years – it's been such a long time since I _fucking_ confessed to you, and you...and you still haven't... is this your idea of a joke, you sick, twisted bastard of a failure detective? Playing with my damn feelings? I – whenever I'm around you, I remember bad things, okay? I remember the Professor's dead body, the blood slowly dripping down... making that horrible dripping noise... the stench...' she made a strange choking noise and her hold on his shoulders tightened. 'I hate you, Shinichi Kudo,' she whispered hoarsely. 'I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I ha-'_

_Shinichi kissed her._

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><p>Despite himself, Shinichi's lips stretched themselves to form the first smile in many months. There was something almost magical about this merry-go-round during the night, the place where he and Shiho had shared their first kiss.<p>

The kiss, to some extent, had wiped away the hazy effects of the alcohol, Shinichi remembered. That had been the first romantic kiss of his life; the one with Ran didn't really count. Because of this, and also the fact that he had been giddy and slightly light headed, he had been extremely clumsy.

Shinichi chuckled.

He wasn't really sure _what_ exactly had made him do what he did. Maybe it was because he had been drunk, or maybe it was because she had looked so damn _beautiful_ to him at that moment. At any rate, he had been so very clumsy, freaked out and nervous that his brain had stopped working. He had put too much force behind his kiss, making Shiho crash backwards. It had taken him some time to realise that she hit her head on the bars and passed out.

Immediately after that, he had been arrested by a passing cop for sitting on a ride beside which it was clearly stated "8 years and below", being drunk, and attempted sexual harassment of an unconscious woman. They had to spend the night at the police station, he behind bars and she unconscious on a chair, until Inspector Megure bailed them out the next morning.

Good old days.

Shinichi sighed. Reminiscing wouldn't change the fact that she left.

**"I don't want to see your face ever again." you said bitterly, as a tear ran down your cheek.**  
><strong>Every time you were almost swallowed by waves of contradiction; I figured you were holding in your tears..<strong>

_I don't want to see your face ever again,_ was what she had told him in that soft voice of hers over the phone. He hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye – she had terminated the line long before that.

It wasn't as if he hated her for it. It had been his own fault for doing those horrible things he had done and said to her. He was disgusted with himself more than she could ever be with him.

Shinichi got up and dusted himself. Maybe coming back to this park hadn't been such a good idea after all. He spun the merry-go-round once, just for old times' sake and stopped it immediately. Something was stuck on the bars.

It was a coat. And it looked expensive.

He lit a cigarette. There used to be a time when he would cringe at the very sight of those cancer sticks, but in the end he turned out to be a weak-willed loser who could not get through a day without several of those cancer sticks.

It was funny how four years' worth of evolution could change a man. Darwin would surely be impressed.

Making smoke rings in the air, Shinichi picked up the coat and rifled through its pockets. There was nothing much in it – some change, candy wrappers, and a bill from a convenience store.

Judging by the items that had been bought, the candy wrappers, and the fact that the coat was left on a _children's_ merry-go-round, it had to belong to a mother with a small kid.

_Ah, well. Since I have nothing better to do, why don't I track down the owner?_

Following clues was an easy task. He decided to start from the store where the bill was made.

One hour, 3 kilometres of walking, and two train rides later, Shinichi found himself in front of the doors of an apartment in one of the high profile condos right _beside_ the park.

_Seriously. Mother with small kid. Convenience store nearby. Designer coat. I should have realised it before._

He rang the bell.

There was a sound of running, the door flew open and a nuclear warhead hit him in the gut, knocking the air out of him.

'Tousan!' the nuke warhead squaled in a high pitched voice.

Hm. Most definitely a noisy affectionate kid.

He looked cross-eyed at the top of the head of a little girl who had presumable mistaken him for her daddy. It was covered with a _very_ familiar shade of strawberry-blonde hair.

A voice from inside said 'Welcome home,' and more footsteps were heard.

The voice.

Soft. Feminine. Mature. Exuded a sort of aristocratic sang-froid.

Shinichi looked up to see a woman's smiling face, which lost its smile and colour as soon as it saw who the visitor was.

**One more time someday I'll see a paradise looking back with love.**  
><strong>So that is why I only want to find an opportunity to reunite us by chance.<strong>

'...you...'

_Shiho Miyano. What a surprise._

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><p><strong>Saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4.<strong>

**"Do you love me, Jack?"**

**"If you had a sister and a dog, I'd chose the dog."**

**Bloody awesome, savvy?**

**Surry if these are anni spelling/ grammatical arrors at muh storey. Like the ones in the previous sentence. Didn't really get time to proofread.**

**So. How's it? How's it? Did you like it? Did you hate it? LET. ME. KNOW. **_**NOW!**_


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